Monkey

Perseverance. This word! Or rather the lack of it sums up my life until now :P

You can call it lack of patience, laziness or simply getting bored with everything too easily..

Because temperance is in my nature 

I avoid digging deep as long as I can..

Depths scare me, they make me feel claustrophobic..

Maybe that makes me superficial or maybe it just makes me who I am

A monkey! Jumping from one branch to another..

Sniggering at myself when I stay on a single branch too long..

I'm apprehensive of staying too long at a branch but never too shy when jumping to the next one

Never worrying that the next branch might snap and drop me to the ground or worse still a deeper abyss..

I seek attention but when absolutely all the attention is on me I become extremely nervous and completely lose interest in doing the clown like tricks that I normally do to get that attention..

You see I'm a very image conscious monkey! :d 

So I would rather be mistaken for a statue than for a not-so-funny monkey ;)

I love myself very much and revere myself too for all the small things that probably only I appreciate about myself.

So if someone tries to show me a mirror and tell me I'm not all that whatever I think about myself, I don't like those people very much :D 

But somehow the paranoid me tries to crab me down and sometimes I totally swat it away and sometimes...well you know...

Are you a monkey too? What makes you tick? What braches have you swung on so far?

I'm a curious monkey too you see ;) 

I like finding out what makes people tick because I like to please people 

Probably I'm one of those jamura and ustaad type performing monkey..so I have to absolutely be sure how to please the crowd

If I don't know then that scares me :D

Btw so that brings me to a very intriguing question: do monkeys have a purpose like a higher purpose in our lives? Or are they just doomed to always monkey around like they have got nothing better to do? :D

Well I will leave it to you to find the answers...while I try to find some myself..

Feeling overwhelmed

Now that I have no job but a pursuit of becoming an artist by profession..

I have also developed a dilemma...

Creativity I like, looking at people's creativity, their drawings and their art I like but studying for the qualifying examination is something I keep procrastinating...

Shutting my eyes when I see the challenge looming at me to believe that it will somehow vanish by magic or sheer chance...

Some days go amazingly well when I start the day on the right note by revising my vocab, doing my routine stuff like workout at home, some house chores and gym and a healthy diet and bit of art too along with the social networking that I indulge in..

Some days are just plain poetic when I don't worry about anything study or no study I enjoy myself...

And then there are days of guilt...

When I know I need to study but I binge on other activities like house chores, internet surfing, drawing, talking to family or just thinking..and then I keep on accumulating the foreboding of the piled up to-dos for my GRE..I know they are not many, but these days have the power of making me feel sucked out of life..

Give me a headache, sometimes disturbed sleep too...

And sometimes I feel it's just my body missing the workout it was promised..

You know how they say that working out releases positive hormones in your body?

I guess that's most probably it..

Maybe, maybe not..

Maybe it's just a lack of discipline 

Or just too many distractions...

Or maybe it's my fear of failing to accomplish what I want to achieve..

I need to give myself some pep talk daily I guess so that I keep working hard...

You find it funny? :P 

But I've seen that it actually works on me...

I have never been too much into gym and fitness but I found that reading inspirational tweets has made me look forward to my workouts and observe results in myself and that makes me motivated further...

I guess I need to do the same for my studies...

Sounds like a plan! :)